Accountability Relationships – Part I

One of the most frequent questions we get is about the relationship that happens between accountability partners.  What does that relationship look like?  What should it look like?  What should I ask?  

Saavi Accountability is designed to help facilitate your relationships with those in your community.  We have decided to do a short series on this topic.  For part one of this series, we have invited Dr. Mark Hanson to share his thoughts on identifying triggers.  True accountability is about getting REAL with each other, something that isn’t easy to do.  It is one thing to identify that someone is struggling with something like porn or gaming, it is another thing to help them identify what is driving them to that behavior.

 Part I – Triggers

Accountability goes beyond simply stopping a particular incident or behavior. Several questions can help discover what may be instigating the incident in the first place. There is something that triggers the activity. What can an accountability partner ask to help make this discovery? Here are a few suggestions:

  • What happened prior to you acting out? Did something happen that triggered the behavior?
  • What were you feeling before you acted out?
  • Is there some situation that you are experiencing that may be driving you to act out? Is there a stressful situation that is causing pain and anxiety?
  • What did you feel that you were missing that may have triggered the acting out? Intimacy? Belonging?

The idea of the questions is to discover what is driving the behavior? Other questions can arise from listening carefully to what the respondent is saying. You may hear some things that bring questions to your mind. Don’t be afraid to ask them. It is like peeling the layers back on an onion; don’t be surprised at some tears.

We can help stop an incident or we can go a bit deeper and help discover what might be driving the behavior in the first place. From there, healing can take place. Most of our behaviors are driven by some other factor or feeling. If we can discover what is causing the pain that someone is trying medicate, then we can help a person experience healing for shame and trauma.

Go ahead … ask those deeper, tougher questions. Discover the cause and the problem can be healed.

Dr. Mark Hanson

Founder of Hanson Retreats


For more information about Saavi Accountability check out our website at

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